aku orang indonesia. bagian dari buku tebal berdebu berjudul nusantara. apa masalah bagi kalian kalau aku keturunan cina? tak soal kau katai aku cina, chinese, tionghwa, huaren, cokin. but please don’t call me amoy.

ah emosional sekali. hari-hariku sekarang di tanah ini. bersama penghuni lain negeri ini. aneka warna. teringat kantor lama, mereka panggil aku mbak. di kantor sekarang mereka sebut aku miss.

aku bagian dari mereka. bagian darimu. oh ya, sejak dulu aku memanggilmu “mas”. dengan mesra, penuh penghormatan, selayaknya wanita jawa.

pernah kau minta aku panggil namamu apa adanya. tidak. itu bukan kebiasaanku. bagaimanapun kau lebih tua dariku. tak pernah aku sebut “kamu” bahkan dalam sms.

kau jauh. di luar pulau. empat setengah jam terbang. aku rindu, mas.

kau panggil aku “bu”
kita terbahak
perut mulas
mataku basah

belum pernah kita tukar sapaan itu. manakala waitress sebut kita pak dan bu kita hanya tersenyum geli.

later we were together and had a lot of time he put your two middle fingers inside me and began moving then in sort of a “come hither” motion over my g-spot. within a fairly short timei had the most incredible orgasm and actually ejaculated in your hand.

we were both totally blown away! it didn’t feel like the orgasms i have during oral sex or when you or i masturbate my clit…it was totally different, “deeper” somehow.

now we enjoy both kinds. the most amazing one ever came when you had your fingers inside me stimulating my g-spot and i was rubbing my clit at the same time. i thought i was going to explode and die from the pleasure!

laying back, i plead without words
as if hidden lips could somehow be heard
raising hips high to greet your stare
hoping to speak to another part of you aware.

beckoning please enter with no hesitation
yet you stand firm, no reservation
taunting me, teasing me, grin on your face
admiring how you’ve put me in place.

then suddenly, you grant relief
knowing now i must have peace

penetrating with your pride
charging, you thrust deep inside

planting feet upon your chest
to brace us both, i do my best

not to scream loud like before
when places reached cut to the core.

wondering if you’re hurting me
you ease mo-men-tar-ily
slowing, then come “please-don’t-stop” please
whimpering I’m at your mercy

back in our entrancing dance
i catch your eyes stealing a glance

at contorted expressions, my face in full view
proud every one is caused by you

then you say, “oh my sweetie,” gazing
as in disbelief, you sigh, “amazing,”
ahaking your head, as deeper you dive
revealing my power to make you alive

i know you are close to leaving
for that place I cannot follow, heavy breathing
so easing, i bid “please don’t leave me,”
wanting to stay forever in ecstasy

pushing you back, i climb high
navigating, accepting the time is nigh
to the edge of heaven as you pursue
gauging perfect rhythm between us two

panting hard, with quivering shakes
not much more can either take
as each resists the pulsing throbs
not wanting to be one who robs

but there’s no stopping from this flight
wildly heading for realms beyond night
each to our own promised lands we go
worlds imagined, the other never knows…

and upon return to this earthly place
the visit lasting just seconds in space
we find each other coming back to ground
from a visit to paradise we each together found…

place your fingers around my knob, but dare not come inside to rob. slowly trace, along my crevice slide, but do not spread me open wide.

first press yourself against me gently, listen for a sign of entry. i will tell you when it’s time, with the rhythm of my rhyme until then linger without a sound, letting imagination keep you around.

i’ll ignite you with my tongue, whispering ancient tunes unsung. and when my resistance wearing thin, aches enough to let you in, tired of taunting drop by drop, i’ll beg you in to never stop.

lalu kau temukan foto lamaku. dan kau ah… aku memang menyukai selera senimu. kau potreti aku. kupetik kebanggaan saat kita lihat hasil di notebook apelmu.

aku tersanjung saat kau olah semuanya menjadi hitam putih berseni. tapi ada yang kita biarkan berwarna dalam temaram rembrandt.

ada lima shots yang membuatku tersipu sekaligus senang: untuk pertama kalinya aku melihat close up bagian tersembunyiku yang selama ini cuma kutatap melalui cermin tangan saat memangkas semak belukar.

kulihat dengan saksama milikku sendiri. indah, katamu. tentu, kataku.

beberapa kali aku berharap hamil setelah terbuai olehmu. dalam puncak kebersamaan aku pernah menahanmu meskipun aku tampaknya sedang subur karena sudut hatiku terdalam aku inginkan anak sebagai buah kasih kita.

untung akal sehatku mengatakan tidak. tapi naluriku kadang ingin mengandung, yang kalau lahir mirip dirimu.